girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
