so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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