Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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