Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
