he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
