So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
