she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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