dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
