i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
