this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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