I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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