Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
