i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
