He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
