you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
