I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
