need another drink. this is the easiest way
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
