sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize