I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
