but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
