My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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