we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
