id be glad to
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
