I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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