what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
