I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
