he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This house was built for laser tag.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
