In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize