so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
