Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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