i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
