1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
