When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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