I cockslap morals
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
