He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
