Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize