Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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