I think my vagina is haunted
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
