The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
