I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
