I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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