Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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