Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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