Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
