p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
