A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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