You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
