Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
