I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
