Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
