I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
