Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize