Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
