This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
