Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was like eating out sand paper
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
