Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
