Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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