She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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