dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
