I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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