Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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