6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
