dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
