honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
