i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
