you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
