you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
