what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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