1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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