"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
