i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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