Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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