Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
