I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize