as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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