I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
