Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
