I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize