Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
