Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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