My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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