it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
