she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
