i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
