i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
