I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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