I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize