I faked an abortion last night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
