Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am midnight drunk by noon
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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