Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
