He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize